{"id":97661,"date":"2021-06-10T17:48:54","date_gmt":"2021-06-10T16:48:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/centmagazine.co.uk\/?p=97661"},"modified":"2021-06-14T11:30:58","modified_gmt":"2021-06-14T10:30:58","slug":"the-scam","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/staging.centmagazine.co.uk\/?p=97661","title":{"rendered":"The Scam"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"has-text-align-right has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>By Brindley Hallam Dennis<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">I won\u2019t, thanks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">It started when I was cutting ivy from old trees in a garden I worked on. The ivy was well established, with roots as thick as my wrist all the way from the ground to above head height. They were intertwined and weaved in and out like the ribs of a knitted sweater. I was using a folding handsaw. It was hard work, dirty work. A drizzle of dead leaves and fine soil rained down as I pulled the roots away from the bark.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I cut them in lengths of a yard or more, and when they came away they suddenly looked like the intricate lattices of some ornamental cage. Cut into six inch lengths, with three or four uprights, small rootlets and bark stripped away to reveal the smooth wood beneath, they became little works of art, wooden sculptures suggestive of lovers, of figures that strode arm in arm, of headless, footless, mythical beasts dancing to magical, inaudible music.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Or perhaps it began when my wife gave me the book on bonsai landscapes. It was the pictures in that which inspired me to use those off-cut roots in the plant arrangements that stood on shelves around the house.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Then again, it might have kicked off when I found the flimsy sheets of gold leaf that grandfather had used to highlight old black and white photographs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Or perhaps it was the first time I took one of those flimsy sheets and pressed it over the cut ends of an ivy root, and rubbed it in with the back of my folded penknife blade.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">The gilding sparkled on the raw, cut face of the wood. In some lights it was no more than a dull glimmer, but in others it positively shone. Sometimes it glittered like the gold on a temple dome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">No. It really started when my friend, noticing one of my attempts asked in amazement, what the hell sort of wood is this? It looks like gold.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; And the words just came tumbling out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; It is gold, I said. Well, there\u2019s gold in it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I turned a serious, horticultural face upon him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; They\u2019re ivy roots, I told him. Very special ones.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I planted my feet firmly apart and splayed my hands.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Plants feed on minerals in the soil, I explained. They eat them, molecule by molecule and incorporate them into their structures. Different plants have affinities with different minerals. I kept a straight face, rooted in the knowledge that so far everything I\u2019d said was perfectly true. I said, there have been experiments in which plants have been used to clear heavy metals from badly polluted ground. That was true too. I said, and they\u2019ve tried prospecting for gold using the banana plant.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; His eyes widened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; You\u2019re kidding!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Straight up, I said. And that was all true too, but I went on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Over here, I said, it\u2019s ivy. It won\u2019t actually go looking for gold, but if the roots strike a seam, they\u2019ll just follow it along, hoovering up every last morsel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; He looked incredulous, but he wasn\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; It\u2019s just, I said as if I couldn\u2019t really believe it myself, amazing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; He struggled to grasp it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; So, it runs all the way through?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Absolutely, I said. And I resisted the urge to burst out laughing, which in retrospect might have been a mistake. I looked at him with the expression of an undertaker greeting a grieving relative.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Like the Blackpool in a stick of rock, I said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Wow!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Of course, I said, what you can see on the end of the cut is almost worthless, which was true. But if you burn the wood and separate out the ash, you\u2019ll get about sixty pounds a metre of pure gold. That\u2019s pounds money, I said, not weight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; In the silence that followed he didn\u2019t ask, luckily, about how thick the roots needed to be or anything else technical like that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; So, how much did you pay for this? he asked. That threw me for a moment, and then I remembered where they\u2019d come from. Actually, I said, I was paid for getting it. I\u2019m clearing all the ivy from a woodland, somewhere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; He looked shocked. Think knee in groin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; That one\u2019s probably only worth fifteen or twenty quid, I said. It\u2019s the metre lengths make the serious money.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Metre lengths? he gasped.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; And even there, I could have let it go and given a great big belly laugh, but I was already hooked too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"494\" height=\"741\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/staging.centmagazine.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/The-scam-2.jpg?resize=494%2C741&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-97663\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/staging.centmagazine.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/The-scam-2.jpg?w=494&amp;ssl=1 494w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/staging.centmagazine.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/The-scam-2.jpg?resize=200%2C300&amp;ssl=1 200w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 494px) 100vw, 494px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">I\u2019ll sell you one if you like, I said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">It never occurred to me that he would. I thought he\u2019d see through it. I thought the penny would drop. He\u2019d get the joke, see the funny side. He\u2019d burst out laughing, call me some names. Nice one, he\u2019d say. But he didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; How much?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">I would have given him the money back. At any time, I would have given him the money back, every last penny of it.&nbsp; Any time, that is, until he came back asking how many more I could get.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">The price of gold is always rising. He was offering the roots, in metre lengths, on one of those internet sales sites. He\u2019d worked up my explanation into something that looked like a scientific treatise. He\u2019d added a prominent warning about not being too quick to Cash the Ash, as he called it. The longer you kept them, the more they would be worth. And because your average burglar would know nothing about Golden Rods, which was what he called them, you wouldn\u2019t need expensive security arrangements.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I confessed everything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">He pointed out the disclaimer, in miniscule print, which said that there was no guarantee how much gold you would get from the ash, it being a \u2018natural product\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">I told him all about the old sheets of gold leaf, that I hadn\u2019t got many left.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">He grinned, and held up a wad of new ones.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">Maybe I will have that smoke after all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-right has-secondary-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\">If you enjoyed this why not read more short stories from <a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/staging.centmagazine.co.uk\/one-day-a-forest\/\" data-type=\"URL\" data-id=\"https:\/\/staging.centmagazine.co.uk\/one-day-a-forest\/\" target=\"_blank\">Brindley Hallam- Dennis Here.<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>By Brindley Hallam Dennis I won\u2019t, thanks. It started when I was cutting ivy from old trees in a garden&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":193,"featured_media":97665,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"features_issues":[],"featured_themes":[15566],"ppma_author":[16714],"class_list":["post-97661","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-literature","featured_themes-material"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.2 - 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